I had one of those days when I felt very tired. Due to tiredness I felt also pretty grumpy. My body was aching, I lacked sleep, I got some unwanted fever and pending things that needed to be done seemed to never end. So therefore I felt pity for myself and employed an attitude of grumpiness, which also in some way expressed itself as anger.
I must say, I immediately realised that I was behaving selfishly and silly, but…either I truly lacked any bit of energy to make any changes or I had no intention in doing so. All I could think was: “Well done, Jolita, you lazy monkey”.
I live with the best friend of mine who also has a little son. That evening, from the moment I came home, I generously showed them my tired and unhappy face, as if it was their fault, and gifted them with short, straight-forward answers (I believe many of you could relate to that). However, I did make an effort to stay alone so not to upset the ones I love, but my friend’s little son did not seem to care, and he kept coming into my room and talking to me, showing me things or asking to play with him. I do not remember in how many ways I tried to tell him to leave me alone, however nothing worked. That cheeky boy seemed not to notice my need to be alone what so ever and continued bothering me anyway. He got into that mosquito mood where my wishes least mattered to him.
I must say, I felt annoyed, but at the same time I also recognised that in some kind of way this little cute soul was pushing me to come out of that sad place I got myself into to begin with. Later, when we all went to sleep, I once more realised how wonderful and helpful his ‘deafness’ and ‘blindness’ was.
And my friend played her own role too. She kept her silence. She made me a camomile tea every time I finished drinking one. I guess, she thought there was no point in talking or arguing with the self-pitying moron – sleep-walker, which was me. She refused to react to my grumpy mood and employed a wise attitude of ignorance.
I must admit, that the more tolerance and loving kindness they showed, the dearer they became to my heart. I felt grateful and bad at the same time. I was grumpy and moody, and those two were treating me lovingly anyway. Amazing!!
After I woke up on the following morning, I felt rested and my mind was clear and refreshed. I remembered my yesterday’s moody tantrums and felt quite bad. The sun was shining outside my window. I could not allow to waste a single second of that beauty, thus I got up, did my morning exercise, meditated for a bit, later made some healthy breakfast and enjoyed it while silently sitting on the balcony overlooking the Thames river. Then, I got up and went to the kitchen, where I made some coffee with milk for my friend and brought it to her room. They were already awake. Great! I thought. I immediately gave them many hugs and kissed their cheeks thanking for the patience, tolerance and loving kindness shown to me on the previous day.
You know, what my friend said to me? She said: “That’s what friends are for…to love each other on good days and not so good. Now leave me alone, woman! You are hugging me too much!!”
It is amazing to see how one’s love and deep understanding that comes with profound patience and acceptance can help you to heal and regain the clarity of your mind. It is amazing to recognise the powerful miracles love is capable of performing over and over again. It is amazing to know that you are loved and valued not only on your good days but on bad ones too. It is amazing to feel that kind of love.
And that’s who we all are to each other: We are a loving human chain making each others’ dreams come true. We are each others’ guardian angels.
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