In Sep 2014, Jolita Kelias’s story MEET ME AT THE DOOR has been short listed for the 4th Eyelands International Short Story contest. The short list means that Jolita has already won her participation in the edition of the book “Time” which will be released in November (from Strange Days Books publications in collaboration with Eyelands), the certificate and a free copy of the anthology.
Whenever you remember me, I come alive over and over again.
I haven’t left you, my beloved Parent. I am deep inside your heart. I came through you into this world and I shall always live within you no matter what form I might take. I heard that before we come to life we choose our destiny, our joys and obstacles; we choose the way we want to leave and die. I chose this way, Mom, Dad. I have also heard that parents are the ones who wish to leave before their children but this time it was me… I had to… I have fulfilled my mission on this earth. My time was due. I have never meant to hurt you. I am sorry. At times I felt I was a huge disappointment to you, but yet I know you loved me wholeheartedly regardless especially during moments when I didn’t love myself.
The memories you hold about me are the real and live ones. Hold onto them, treasure them, love them, hate them, sleep with them, kiss them, embrace them, and yet let them be as they are. Within time even those memories will change their form – they will become pure joy and gratitude to you, where sadness of this very moment won’t be present any longer. Grieve for me, feel sad, sob and cry, scream, be angry, let it all be.
I hear you. I am by your side. You are reading my words…of Love. Don’t be ashamed of how you feel about me and the choice I made. Not every soul leaves stricken by illness and not every soul leaves being unwell. I was unwell in my own way but now… Now I am ok. Let it all be and in this I shall be as I am too. I shall live through it together with you.
I touch you now… Do you feel my embrace? Do you hear my voice? Do you see me? I am here with you right now. I am. I am sorry for your tears, and yet I am glad you are crying as it heals your wounded soul. But, Mom, Dad, I am finally happy. I am at peace now.
Remember me as I have always been in the eyes of yours – perfect in my im-perfections. I am your child, I was always your child and I will always be your child. Just know that whenever you remember me, I come alive over and over again.
I am smiling. I am walking towards you, Mom, Dad. I am stretching my hands to you. I see you meeting me at the door but your eyes are full of tears. Why?! Why are you crying, my Darling Ones? I am here. Please see me, please welcome me, please make me feel at home. Do you meet your guests and welcome them into your home stricken by grief and sadness? No, you do not. So why are you meeting me in this way? I am here. Please meet me at the door with your loving smile and outstretched hands as you did it when I was little. Remember? Do you remember how you used to meet me whenever I got back home from school? I still remember those embraces of yours. I want it again. I want it now more than ever before. Perhaps I haven’t deserved it well enough, but, Mom, Dad, who else will do it better than you, who else will love me in the way that only you can do, who else will see perfections within me if not you that at times even me cannot see it within myself?
Whenever you remember me, I come alive over and over again. Keep me alive in the most beautiful ways. Heal your wounded soul by allowing your feelings to live through you in their most pure state possible and in this I shall find my way back to you. I need to heal too. Help me please. I know in the past I have asked you so many times to help me and now I am doing it once more… Please meet me at the door with Love and joy. For now I shall wait until you become ready…but just know I am here around you, with you and within you.
Mom and Dad, I chose what I chose. I am sorry you hurt because of it. I love you with my whole being. It is beautiful where I am now. I have no pain. I am finally at peace. I am whole and one. I am serene and blissful. I am finally one with love. I finally know what love truly is. I am Love.
Meet me at the door… Your child is coming back to you. I am back.
Copyright © Jolita Kelias 2014
All Rights Reserved