A LOVE LETTER

My Darling Forest Seed,

You have grown, I see. You have matured enough to be ready for a further journey. I see and feel, it is time for you to fall away, to let go of my hand and go your way. I see, it is time for me to let go of you, your beauty and sweetness, your attachment and love, your divine presence that throughout the time I have got used to so much. Oh my, I will miss feeling you breathing, seeing you growing, listening to your thoughts and hearing you singing. I enjoyed your each and every loving embrace. I loved mothering you. I loved being useful.

You know, there was one question I have been asking my self for quite some time, for I knew the day will come when I have to let go of you, my Darling. I asked: “How will you live without me? How will you manage without my daily presence?”

You know, each time I thought about it I felt a huge painful kick inside my guts. It was a kick of fear. It told me a story of what you may encounter and go through. I felt so scared! I felt afraid you might not survive without me. I felt you might encounter suffering and unbearable loneliness; you might have no shelter, and so you will have to provide for yourself; you might feel hungry and thirsty and there will be no one to take care of you; you might encounter danger and no one will protect you; you might have to go through difficult times and especially moments where no one will understand you; you might encounter rejection and pain and perhaps, most likely, someone will disappoint you by not fulfilling their word; you might be betrayed and played with; you might get lost some day in the deep dark forest where I stand so tall and see so high. Oh, I wish you could see what I see, you could reach the heights that I have reached and bear wisdom that I bear. Oh, I wish, it were easier for you, easier than it was for me. Oh, I wish!

But after all this pondering of mine, I must admit to you the real truth… It was all about me. It was me who felt it all. It was me who felt I will not survive without you and might encounter suffering and unbearable loneliness or have no one to shelter me once I get too old or feel hungry and thirsty and there will be no one to take care of me. I saw the day I get weaker and I might encounter danger and there will be no one to protect me. And there I saw difficult times falling on me and me not being able to handle it all due to my old age, and then others seeing me getting tired and succumbing to death might not understand me because they got used to seeing me strong and powerful, always able to provide for myself and my offspring. And there I might encounter rejection and inner pain, and perhaps, most likely, someone dear to me will disappoint me by leaving me alone at my hardest moment, and there I will feel betrayed and played with, especially when I take a look back and remember the good deeds I did for others, and there I might eventually get lost among many trees without recognising or being recognised by any I have known. And so, the day might come and I might die alone. This is what I truly got afraid of – afraid of dying alone.

But you go… Go into the depths of the forest, because you never know, perhaps there, most likely, you will find the greatest love of your life, you might set the home and spread your gorgeous seeds, you might be loved and cared for, you might be protected and guided. Go! Oh, my child, go! The Tree you know has lots to tell, it has seen and experienced a lot, and yet someday in the past it was like you – a little seed that started from nothing and grown into something. This Tree you know also journeyed into the unknown and has no regrets. And so, I have no dare to try to stop you. What a sin of mine that would be!

You are on the greatest journey of your life. Who am I to hold you?! Who am I to ask you to stay and rob you of the greatest adventure one could have?! Who am I to silent your little heart begging to fulfil the purpose it came here for?! Who am I to take the whole splendour of life away from you?! Who am I to keep you from living life to the fullest?!

Just live… Live this life of yours to the fullest and know deep in your heart that all the answers are hidden within your roots; wisdom is found there. So therefore, whenever you feel lost or threatened by the unknown, just look inside that little heart of yours that holds treasures of truth and trust what you see and feel. Stay faithful to yourself, because no one and nothing can lead and guide you better than you. Take one step at a time consciously. Make it your daily routine putting your happiness and well-being first that way spreading happiness and well-being equally the same to the ones around you. Remember, there can be nothing better than the truths experienced by yourself. So be brave. No need to be afraid. And some day, when you feel too tired or overwhelmed in blissful happiness, just remember me – your Mother-Father Tree. Here, under my loving embrace, you will always find a shelter to rest, to heal, to get stronger. Come back to visit me when the thirst for exploration has fulfilled itself. I will be here waiting for you ready to host you, protect you and love you.

But please…take a good care of yourself, because you are a part of me – I am you and you are me. Accept me, nourish me, protect me, love me. I am a Mother of all mothers. I am a Mother Nature. I Love You.

~Jolita Kelias

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