A Kiss of Goodbye

It is a very soft kiss… It comes at the moment when you are not ready. You are not ready to let go. You are not ready to move on. You are not ready for a new chapter. You are not ready for the last kiss of goodbye.

It stings. It stings so painfully, that if the world could hear your heart scream, it would understand how hurtful it is to say goodbye when you are not ready. I guess, you can never be ready if you are the one to fight for it, the one willing to go on, the one determined to look for ways and options in making things last. However, memories last…forever. We often tend to recognise the importance of the moment once it becomes a memory.

Deep down you know that things change, people leave and everything is temporary, but often you secretly hope that with you and for you things will be different. You hope that you will be the one to tell a different tale, because things will last, people you love will live forever, people you care and treasure will stay and never leave. You will never leave…until the inevitable happens.

I am not sure where the fear of change comes from, but I am sure why it tends to be present in our day-to-day lives. We want to hold on things and people that make us happy, make us feel comfortable, make us believe in happy forever-after, make us feel safe. Do you know, we often learn to live comfortably in the most uncomfortable and unhappy situations because…it brings the feeling of familiarity? Some of us often would stay even if we know we should leave because silently it has become a comfort zone of the known – it became familiar. Pain becomes familiar. Suffering becomes familiar. Hurt becomes familiar. Illness becomes familiar. Sleepless nights become familiar. It becomes so familiar, that it engraves in our minds a message of disbelief of anything better ever happening for us. We stop imagining good life for ourselves, instead we entertain the imagination full of misery and hopelessness. It all becomes so painfully familiar.

Familiar breeds content. Content breeds stillness. Stillness eventually breeds resentment. Resentment calls forth storm. Storm brings in conflict and confrontation. Confrontation uncovers the truth that hurts and brings freedom with it. Freedom reminds of happy days and many more to come if wanted. Happy days eventually change. Change reveals an ever moving time that never stands still. Current situation becomes a routine. Routine transforms into a habit. Habit becomes familiar. And a circle continues rolling.

Nothing ever stands still.

A kiss of goodbye in small-big steps is there to shake you, to move you, to shock you, to blindside you, to change all and everything that you have become too comfortable with whether happiness or sorrow. The kiss of goodbye rocks a boat and makes you re-evaluate the choices made on daily basis and values held throughout the years. The kiss of goodbye gives you a chance to take a second look at things and people present in your life so as just to make sure this is what you really really want and need. The kiss of goodbye does not intend to make you suffer.

It all becomes easier once we let go. I mean, let go of wanting things to be different, let go of the plan for our life, let go of control. I learnt that goodbye does not necessarily need to be painful. Every day we say hello to new things and part with things and people and situations that we have outgrown. The kiss of goodbye in itself is letting go of fear of not being good enough, letting go of the need for external world to constantly validate our existence, letting go of control in knowing that no matter what everything happens for our highest good only. The kiss of goodbye is all about becoming comfortable with unexpected…

Copyright©Jolita Kelias
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